I prefer the
Perception of Being
To a concept
of a self
One sister was my fathers pick.
My other was my mothers.
I guess that left me somewhere in between.
Life is a long hard road
when you’re so young
and you don’t know which way to go.
Somewhere deep down you know
That you’re lost and nowhere is a friend.
Mattered not the frame of mind
for deep, way down inside
a spirit cried.
Even through this existential despair
an attitude was formed.
I didn’t need any of them.
There was no God.
How could someone who loved me
throw me into such a plight?
For me, time stood still.
Somewhere at the center of it all
I came up lacking, never full.
The worse thing, I was never here,
in balance with the creators reality.
So it was for many a year.
I had quit crying for love
How could I know a non-existent thing?
It was a road stretching into nowhere.
The quest for being emerged in a Buddhist book
And a ray of light opened in me
If I could only know then perhaps I’d be satisfied,
A reason for everything somewhere could be seen.
So in sandaled feet I walked the Earth
Forgotten was the child within.
It was not for others perhaps, but was with me.
Then one day, I gained my place
Or so it seemed.
Deep, still, down inside
The pleasures of Earth could not fill.
The void when I closed my eyes
Grew far, grew wide,
Was this all there was?
I felt lost and turned to take my
Wants where I found them.
Now drinking began to fill my time
For time loomed long into a far, distant destiny.
Late, when the sun was gone, on a winters eve,
I found my spirit or it found me.
Up mountain, down hill, every direction
I had it, it had me.
All my life had come to be,
Perhaps freedom was for me.